Crazy Hogwarts
by Starcatcher-Girl
Summary: Hogwarts has a little twist to it, and things happen that you won't see in the books or movies! Please review, rated PG-13 for violence (sorta) and unsuitable things (its not that bad!)
1. The Crazy Beginning

This is just for laughs, nothing against any of the characters! Please laugh! :D

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, so none of this would ever happen, I hope...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It was a crazy day at Hogwarts, and Ron and Harry were bungie jumping off the Whopping Willow, which was having tea with Crookshanks and Scabbers.  
  
"Look Harry!" Ron screeched, and bungied off a branch. The branch broke, and he fell to the ground. "I'm ok." He got up, and fell again. When Harry started laughing as he bungied, his branch broke too and fell to the ground, singing "Row Row Row Your Boat".  
  
MEANWHILE--------------------  
  
Dumbledore was standing next to a closet. He told Neville there was cake in there.  
  
"I don't like cake." Neville said.  
  
"I DON'T CARE!" Dumbledore screamed and shoved Neville in the closet.  
  
"Hey! It's so dark in here!" He fiddle with the handle. "How come the door won't open? What is this black thing. A dementor! PROFESSOR! HELP! It's sucking the life out of..."  
  
"This never happened." Dumbledore said, slipping a $20 through the door crack.  
  
IN THE LIBRARY-------------------  
  
Hermione sat cross-legged, reading Witch's Weekly on the floor. Malfoy passed, and stared at her like she was some idiot.  
  
"What are you doing Mudblood?" Malfoy asked snatching the Witch's Weekly out of her hands. "You're reading a magazine on the floor!"  
  
"It's the new effcient way to read, it calms the nerves and dosen't hurt your butt." Hermione said putting her nose in the air.  
  
"Whatever." Malfoy said. Suddenly, he took out his wand, pointed it at her mouth, and said, "TRUTHFULLIESTER!" Suddenly, Hermione started saying things she wished she hadn't said.  
  
"I really don't like school, Snape's a git, I have a crush on a Slytherin." Malfoy then covered her mouth.  
  
"What?" he asked. He smiled evily. "What Slytherin." Then when he removed his hand, she shouted,  
  
"I've always wanted to see Malfoy in a tight speedo!" Then she ran off, leaving Malfoy looking at her like she just said she was pregnant with his baby, which she would of said if she hadn't run away fast enough. (A/N yes, she was hit with a truth telling spell...lol!)  
  
BACK TO HARRY AND RON--------------  
  
Harry was doing the Tango with Crookshanks, and Ron the same with Scabbers. They had spilt the tea in the lake, which poisned the squid, and made it break dance on the lake floor.  
  
BBLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! A horn blared, and Ron jumped into Scabbers little arms, in fear. He caught him, which was weird, since Scabbers was ten times smaller and lighter than he was. Ron jumped into Crookshanks arms, and he squashed the cat.  
  
TO THE GREAT HALL--------------  
  
Dumbledore sat at the teachers table, then quickly stood up.  
  
"Students, I am sorry to say, that Neville Longbottom was caught by a Dementor and killed." Dumbledore shook his head. McGonagall approached him, tapped his shoulder and screamed, "What $20 I gave the Dementor to kill Neville?"  
  
The whole school gasped. McGonagall said he was crazy and everybody ignored it after that. When Hermione entered, she was blabbing stuff as she passed the tables.  
  
"Cho is secretly overweight, it's just a spell. Malfoy looks good in tight clothes, I know secretly Pansy has implants."  
  
In tears, Pansy through mashed potatoes at Hermione as she sat down, covering her head.  
  
"Oh yes, that reminds me." Dumbledore said slowly, turning. "I have one more thing to say." Every patient waited. "WHO WANTS TO LICK THE SPOON?" He held up a spoon with cake batter on it, and in his other hand held a fat pink cake. The whole school unsion shouted, "ME!" They charged after Dumbledore as he ran out of the castle holding the spoon high. He found the Dementors he told to meet in front of the castle, and threw the spoon at them.  
  
The front of the pack jumped for it, and were caught by Dementors, that of including Malfoy.  
  
"DRACO!" Hermione screamed, jumping for him. She grabbed his cloak and tugged as hard as she could. Then she saw Ron, and pulled at his cloak too. Ron's flew off of him, and his pants were low. And she shouted,  
  
"RON! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING WEARING A THONG?!" She didn't care about Ron anymore, grabbed Malfoy by the waist, and ripped him out of the Dementors grasp.  
  
The spoon layed alone on the ground, no one had made it out of the Dementors clutches, other than Hermione, Draco, Harry, and a few other students who all ran around to the other side of the castle.  
  
"What are we gonna do?" Ginny wailed. "RON WAS KILLED!" Hermione comforted her, and then Malfoy started punching Harry.  
  
"STOP IT!" Pansy said crying. "I LOVE HARRY!" Suddenly the whole world went down the drain for Harry.

"What?" He asked, his eyes open wide.

"YOU HEARD ME!" Pansy screeched. "Just, kiss me you fool!" She chased Harry into the Forbidden Forest, puckering her lips.

"Well, that was too weird for comfort." Hermione said. "And Ron stole my thong." She covered her mouth, which kept moving and saying things, but thankfully muffled out by her hand.

BACK TO THE DEMENTORS AND DUMBLEDORE---------

"Get rid of the bodies! We can't have an evidence!" Dumbledore said.

"Clev shen shou neer laka?" A Dementor said.

"What? Well whatever, fine." Dumbledore said. It was a mistake to agree with them of course, because in English it meant, "Can we put the bodies in your office? Then take your soul?" Oh well, what Dumbledore dosen't know might hurt him.

"Hmm..." he said looking around as the Dementors floated into the castle holding bodies over the shoulders and in their hands. He saw Ron pass on a Dementors shoulder and didn't see a pretty sight. "Ugh, wait a minute? Where on earth are they?" His eyes turned to slits. I have to find them. Three Gryffindor, two Slytherins, and a few Ravenclaws. I know they are hiding from us, THEY CANNOT TELL ANYONE!" Dumbledore had just realized with their escape, they could report all the deaths to the Ministry, and Dumbledore would be fired.

"GREAT!" He shouted. "I must find them..." And so, with that, he hopped on his flying vacum cleaner, and flew around the castle in search of the living students.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
This first chapter had a lot of events. Please review, and I'll post more chapters! Isn't this story riduculous? I just love making them make no sense! :P It's so much fun! Don't worry, in the end all the students will be alive! (Well, except for Neville, maybe... :D)


	2. Fun Day!

Well, here's the second chapter! I hope you like it! And no I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, and stuff happens in here that WILL NOT happen in the books or movies.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------  
  
Just a recap for those of you just tuning in:  
  
Draco hit Hermione with a truth spell, and shes saying things that she wish's she hasn't  
  
Dementors came and killed everyone but about ten students (someone how!)  
  
Ron died (wah!)  
  
Neville was killed first because Dumbledore went crazy  
  
Dumbledore baked a cake  
  
Hermione's fancying Draco  
  
If they don't hurry, Dumbledore is gonna catch them on his flying vacum cleaner  
  
Pansy is chasing Harry because she loves him (woah!)  
  
Now, to our feature presentation:  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------  
  
After running far into the woods, Harry tripped over a tree stump, and landed hard on his face. Pansy had given up far behind, and retreated to the leftover students.  
  
"Wait!" Draco said. "Maybe we should go into the woods, we can escape easier and we'll be safe." Everyone eyed Draco. "What?"  
  
"Since when have you been so carefully planning our escape?" Ginny asked.  
  
"Since, well..." Draco shook his head and started into the forest.  
  
"I cannot buy bra's without thinking of Draco." Hermione said as they walked into the forest. Again, she covered her mouth and everything was muffled.  
  
MEANWHILE--------------------------------  
  
Dumbledore, hearing voices in the forest, quickly landed on the ground.  
  
"MUWHAHA!" He said. Of course, everyone in the forest heard his cry of 'victory' as they were halfway in the forest.  
  
"Oh crap." Harry said, after carefully avoiding Pansy. They heard his footsteps, but no one ran, and when he appeared, they all gasped in horror.  
  
"Ahh!" Ginny screeched. Dumbledore was wearing a pink tutu, and a pink sports bra. He had on bright pink tennis shoes, and his beard and hair was pulled into a ponytail in the back of his head. Draco half expected his ear hair to be in pigtails.  
  
"What on earth did you do Professor?!" Harry screeched.  
  
"I feel GORGEOUS wearing this!" Dumbledore shouted, holding out a pink furry wand with a bright pink star on the end.  
  
"He's totally flipped." Draco said shaking his head.  
  
"What a nice idea!" Dumbledore said, he did a few twirls, leaped into the air, landed, and pointed his wand at Draco. "Fuzzy pink bunny magic!" Everyone gasped as Draco was flipped into the air, and landed behind a bush.  
  
"DRACO!" Hermione cried. She ran over behind the bush, and gasped, staring at what used to be Draco.  
  
Draco had been turned into a pink fuzzy bunny. He hopped around for a momment, and fell into a snake hole.  
  
"AH!" Hermione screeched, reaching into the hole, and pulling out the fuzzy pink Draco.  
  
"Lets go!" Ginny yelled, and they all blazed through the forest, Hermione holding Draco with one hand. But the only got so far when a ghost appeared. They tried to ignore it, but it followed them till they reached the other side of the lake. When they looked back, they saw Neville, floating in the air, holding the spoon Dumbledore had so genersouly offered to the school.  
  
"I got the spoon!" Neville chanted over and over, dancing about the lake.  
  
"Who CARES about the spoon!" Harry said rolling his eyes.  
  
"My foot used to have fungus on it." Hermione said. She put a clothespin on her mouth until she stopped.  
  
"But I GOT THE SPOON!" Neville said charging at Harry. Being smarter than usual, Harry didn't put his game face on and just stood there. Neville flew right through, right a large black hole appeared. He was sucked into it, and the spoon was about to go in to.  
  
"THE SPOON!" a Ravenclaw yelled, jumping into the hole as the spoon did.  
  
"Wait!" Everyone shouted, and they all jumped in. The hole was about to close, and Dumbledore ran for it. He made it half way, before his butt got caught. His tutu slipped off, and so did his tennies. He flew into the hole, and everyone landed on the ground of the Great Hall.  
  
"Well thats a rip off." Draco said. "Why didn't we go into another demention or something? How boring." Even though he was pink and fuzzy and as small as a goblet, he could talk.  
  
"Well, what now?" Ginny asked crossing her arms.  
  
"I KILL YOU!" Dumbledore yelled. He was at the entrance of the Great Hall, in his pink underwear, and pink socks.  
  
"Why?!" Harry cried. Dumbledore, taken a bit aback, thought for a momment.  
  
"I don't...know..." he broke down in tears, and Harry ran to his side.  
  
"Professor, did you just have a mental day?" Harry asked.  
  
"YES!" He cried, getting on his knees. "WHY? WHY? WHY?!" Everyone rushed over, just in time to see Dumbledore grab Harry's throat, strangling him.  
  
"HELP!" Harry said softly, choking. Everyone attacked Dumbledore, beating him to the ground. He finally gave up, and in a pink puff of smoke, dissapeared.  
  
"Well, we better sleep in here, it's the only safe place." Harry said, and everyone locked the doors and shut the windows. Hermione opened her mouth, and Draco stuck his wand at it, and yelled, "UNTRUTHLESS!" She stared at him a momment got to close to his face, closed her eyes and...  
  
"EXAMS!" She screeched in his face. "I forgot to study for exams." Draco fell over on his butt.  
  
"Hermione, you've missed a lot." Harry said.  
  
"What'd I miss?" Hermione asked cocking her head.  
  
"Well, Draco hexed you most of the school died Dumbledore snapped, need I say more?" Harry said.  
  
"Yes, where's RON?" she asked, starting to braid Draco's hair. Draco swiped her away and Harry said simply,  
  
"A Dementor killed him." He then said, "Ok lets get to bed, Crookshanks wore me out after we tangoed this morning, whew."  
  
"I GET UNDER THE TABLE!" a Ravenclaw said, diving under the Gryffindor table. They all shook their heads and got under tables too. Draco slept on top of the Slytherin table. Hermione slept under him, singing to Brittany Spears and swinging her head around. (A/N I actually like Brittany's music, just so you know) She hit her head a few times but kept singing, and Draco moved to the teachers table.  
  
"At least she's not braiding my hair or spilling out stuff we don't want to know." Harry said to Draco.  
  
---------------------THE NEXT DAY---------------------------  
  
They all awoke to Dumbledore shouting,  
  
"IT'S FUN DAY!"  
  
"Ah!" Draco said falling off the table, still a fuzzy pink bunny. He popped up, and found himself dressed in a pink shirt that read, "Daisy Draco"  
  
"What the...?" Harry looked at his shirt, "Happy Harry".  
  
"I'm YELLOW!" Hermione said, coming out from under the table. Her yellow shirt said in green letters, "Honeysickle Hermione".  
  
"What are we gonna do?" Ginny asked, coming out from under a table. Her shirt read, "Gernerous Ginny".  
  
"Yeah, shouldn't Dumbledore of killed us already?" Draco said approaching everyone. Dumbledore came up to them, jumping and leaping, singing "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" wearing a flowery dress and throwing daisy's.  
  
"Everyone, hop on flower and enjoy your day!" He hopped off, and everyone was swept off their feet by giant daisy's, which flew them out the Great Hall door.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----  
  
Well, the story seems to go from bad to worse, or the other way around. Draco... in pink? How riduculous. But hey, this is suppose to be a funny not much sense of a story! And yes it HAS had its serious parts. And Draco is still a bunny. Third chapter coming soon! I will put at least one chapter up every day or few days! (How, you ask, will this story get very far?) Oh, don't worry, it will. - Starcatcher-Girl 


	3. Twisted Dancing

Hey guys! No I don't own Harry Potter, but here is the next chapter!  
  
A recap:  
  
Dumbledore tried to strangle Harry  
  
Draco is now a fuzzy pink bunny  
  
It is FUN DAY!  
  
AND for all of you patiently waiting and wishing for Draco in a speedo, your wish has been granted!  
  
Oh yes, and forgive me for any spelling mistakes on any of my chapters!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
As they were zipped out of the school on daisy's, Draco realized something.  
  
"Oh-my-god!" he screeched. "I'm in a speedo!"  
  
"And it's tight!" Hermione said longing on the word tight.  
  
"Hermione?!" Harry said. "Have you flipped?"  
  
"NO!" she said quickly. "I mean come on Harry, wouldn't you WANT them tight?" She winked at him.  
  
"She's like drunk from that spell, Draco, nice going." Harry said crossing his arms, nearly falling off the daisy. They soon landed, and Hermione drooled along side of Draco, him constantly pushing her off.  
  
"WELCOME!" said a voice from behind a bush. Ginny started crying as McGonagall jumped out in a workout outfit. "Who would like to have... A DANCE CONTEST?!" she shreeked. She started doing a workout routine, and did a funky dance.  
  
"Erm..." Harry said. "MALFOY DOES!" He said pointing frantically at him. Draco, confused, took the deal and started a crazy dance. He shook his hips, did a few kicks, and did the Micheal Jackson slide.   
  
"Well..." Ginny said. "I've seen everything." McGonagall snapped her head to Ginny. "YOU NEXT!"  
  
"I don't think I want to..." Ginny said. McGonagall's eyes turned firey red for momment and she said in a deep iregular voice, "Go now." Then returned to her preppy daisy dancing self. Draco suddenly, out of no reason, blew up in a puff pink of smoke!  
  
But luckily, what returned to the pink smoke was Draco himself.  
  
"YOUR BACK!" Hermione screeched, throwing her arms about him.  
  
"Yes, I am." Draco said.  
  
"Harry, you hear that, Draco's ba-" she was cut off by the sight of Harry. "HARRY!? What happened to you?!"   
  
There sat not Harry, but a skinny black chimp, wearing his Happy Harry t-shirt.  
  
"I don't know." he said looking at them. (A/N: Can't you see Harry as chimp saying that? lol!)  
  
"Well, I'll dance now." Ginny said suddenly. She did, and was doing so well, McGonagall, with a flick of her workout weight, put a zipper on Ginny's mouth. Ginny tried to open her mouth, but it wouldn't budge. She tried to unzip it, but it had a miniture lock on it.  
  
"Ok, I feel odd in a speedo, its even weirder when I wasn't human." Draco said. Hermione threw her arms around him, and said squeakly,  
  
"Your the best dancer in a speedo." Her eyes turned into hearts, and Draco removed one, looked at it like it was some science expieriment, then put it back... upside down. He didn't realize it until her eyes turned back to... eyes, and, one was going up on the other was down.   
  
"Hermione, your eyes on backwards." Harry said picking bugs from his fuzzy black head. (A/N: Remember, he's a chimp...)  
  
"Oh, thanks." she said and astonishingly turned it around.   
  
"OK!" McGonagall screeched again. "Time for... SQUARE DANCING!"  
  
"What's with all the dancing?" Hermione asked. "And wait a minute, what happened to all the other students?" She looked around.  
  
"I...erm...well...WHO CARES!" McGonagall said quickly and nervously. "SQUARE DANCE!"   
  
Picking partners came easy. Hermione snatched Draco and Ginny looked down upon Harry and took him.   
  
"Where's Pansy?" Draco asked.   
  
"WHO CARES! DANCE!" McGonagall said in her deep evil firey eyed voice again.  
  
So they did, and Hermione was going so fast she drug Draco on the ground and finally into the air. Ginny did the same thing, not meaning to, but how can you not with that little chimp? After about an hour of dancing, McGonagall told them to stop.  
  
"Now... slow dancing!" she said jumping about in her workout outfit.  
  
Everyone groaned, and she said in her deep voice,  
  
"DANCE!"  
  
So, naturally the partners were the same. Hermione had gotten so tired, she rested her head on Draco's chest. Suddenly everything crazy had gone away, the whole place went black except for a single light coming from the sky. It shined upon them, making Draco's hair glow and Harry's huge chimp eyes shine.  
  
"Draco." Hermione said softly. "I love you." She did the fluttering eyelash thing to him. "I know you hate me, but-" She was cut off by... A KISS! From Draco! Ginny stood there in awe. And no one even cared when Harry turned back into a human. He pulled out his video camera, and taped them kissing.  
  
"Good stuff." he said. "A new movie called... "Accidently in Love!" erm... maybe-"   
  
SLAP! Ginny threw her hand across his face, letting Harry's camera fall to the ground... and break.   
  
"NO!" he cried. He huddled over the camera and tried to put it back together with the prechewed gum in his pocket he had been saving. Soft music started to as Draco and Hermione still kissed, and then came to an adrupt hault like a record player stopping.  
  
"OK!" McGonagall said quickly. "That's enough! Let us go see The Almighty Dumble!"   
  
"The Almighty Dumble?" Eeveryone said in usion. Suddenly the one light shining from above lifted them off the ground, and sailed them into the clouds.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
For all of you to know, RON WILL BE BACK! And those of you who hate him, like me, hes gonna come back, but not so normal. Harry was destined to be a chimp, just like Draco and Hermione were destined for each other! Lol, well everyone got their wish, Draco is NOT a fuzzy pink bunny anymore... just a human wearing a speedo! Please review! 


	4. The Almighty Dumble

As we last left you, Harry, Hermione, Draco, and Ginny were upducted by a big a light shining from the sky.  
  
Just so you know...:  
  
Neville, the ghost, had dissapeared forever after the black hole incident.  
  
Ron, will reutrn in this chapter  
  
Harry's camera was a gift from Uncle Vernon when he was drunk once. He's hid it ever since.  
  
Hermione and Draco kissed... wohoo for me! (I AM a Dr/H shipper)  
  
Guess who The Almighty Dumble is? (lol)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
As they came above the clouds, they came to a dark castle, with lighting and wolves howling and creepy music playing.  
  
"Wow." Ginny said, as they floated closer to the castle. There we dancing penguins runnning about the yard as they landed.  
  
"Why are there penguins running 'round?" Harry asked, staring at the odd creatures. Popcorn was in their arms, and they were eating it while they ran.  
  
"This day is just getting weirder and weirder..." Hermione said as a penguin sat on her head.  
  
"Well, should we go in?" Ginny asked.  
  
"Are you crazy?" Draco said pointing at the castle. "Who'd want to go in there?"  
  
"Your house is nothing different." Harry said. Draco gave him a glare. "Hermione, are you normal again?" Harry said looking at her trying to fight the penguin perched on her head.  
  
"What'd you mean?" Hermione asked. Draco took her hand and she yelled, "Get off of me Malfoy!"  
  
"Ok shes back..." Draco said flipping his hair back. Ginny and Hermione imitated his hair flipping as they walked around the castle. "What the bloody hell is wrong with these penguins?" Suddenly the music came to a halt, the wolves stopping howling, but the lightning kept lightning.  
  
"Look!" Ginny said pointing to the penguins. Their eyes were firey red and they started walking towards the four in a large pack.  
  
"Well I guess we have no choice to go in, do we Malfoy?" Hermione said as Draco stared frightened at them.  
  
"What is wrong with you?" Ginny asked staring at Draco.  
  
"I-I-I... have a bad history with evil peguins." he said.  
  
"Bad history? Evil penguins?" Harry asked. "What kind of world do you live in?"  
  
"Who cares, lets get in the castle." Hermione said running up to the door. She pulled hard on it, and it flew open knocking her back on Harry. "Sorry Harry." She got up and ran in. Just as they all came in she slammed the door in peguins faces.  
  
"That was creepy." Harry said, panting.  
  
"Yeah." Draco said paler than usual. They all turned around, to stand face to face with the ghost of Ron, his head down.  
  
"Ron!" Ginny cried. She wanted to hug him, but she knew he was a ghost, and instead she said, "Ron, where'd you come from. Ron put his head up, and Ginny screamed. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like the possesed girl from The Exorcist.  
  
"Ron, can you talk?" Hermione asked. He stared at them, and said quietly,  
  
"You killed me. You let me die, and let him live." He slowly turned his head to Draco, and he shrugged.  
  
"Ron, I was under a spell I couldn't help it!" Hermione said, feeling a penguin egg in her hair. She pulled it out, and it hatched into an evil penguin.  
  
"AH!" Draco said clinging to himself. Then they saw a small girl on the large stairs in front of them. She stood at the top, wearing a long dress. She was at least seven or eight by her height and size. She walked to the bottom, her hands behind her back.  
  
"Ron.." she said, giggling, "Time to go."  
  
"Shut, up." he said. The girl gave him an angry face.  
  
"Your friends won't stay that long." she said sweetly, "After they deal with The Almighty Dumble." Soon after, she approached Ginny.  
  
"Hi there." she said preppy like. "What's your name?"  
  
"Ginny..." she said uneasly.  
  
"Ginny, do you like death?" she asked, staring at her.  
  
"Er, well..." Ginny didn't have long to sleep. The girl brought her hands from behind her back and there she held a knife, pulled it back, and plunged it at Ginny's heart.  
  
Right in time, Draco grabbed the little girls waist and pulled the knife away from her. The girl stared at Draco with blank eyes, a deathly stare, and decended into ashes, leaving the knife in Draco's hand. Ginny was crying, and Hermione put a comforting arm around her. Ron started spinning and swirled into a mist of gray and dissapeared.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"We've been around these few staircases five time already!" Hermione whined. "Why don't we go up one of them this time?"  
  
"That'd be dumb." Harry said. "Who knows what could be up there."  
  
"Something more interesting then down here." Ginny said. As they walked up the staircase they came to a picture. A picture of the girl that had tried to stab Ginny. Draco bent over and read the name and date.  
  
"Emma Welfear." he said. "1761-1768."  
  
"Wow, so how'd she die?" Hermione asked.  
  
"How the bloody hell would I know?" Draco said. But luckily, there was a small note attached to the painted picture. It read,  
  
' Dear Mr. Walbourne,  
  
I am sorry I wasn't able to clean your house today, my husband was sick and I had to take care of him. I am sorry about your daughter, I hope they catch the girl that took her life away. I hope this picture I painted of her makes your house feel more alive with her in it.  
  
With Sympathy,  
  
Mrs. Hess '  
  
"Wow." Ginny said. "So she was killed by a girl, which means she wasn't a woman and not that old."  
  
Suddenly, McGonagall appeared holding a pink wand. "Alright, time for the meet of The Almighty Dumble."  
  
Everyone was picked up by Barbie dolls and carried into a large room with a throne.  
  
"What the heck," Harry said as he was carried by Barbie, "What on earth are these things doing?" They dropped them off and ran as fast as their rubber legs could carry them out of the room. Draco, Ginny, Hermione and Harry were all on the ground, staring at "The Almighty Dumble".  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Dumbledore?!" They all said in usion. (A/N: What a surprise! lol)  
  
"Yes," Dumbledore said arising from his chair, wearing nothing but a pink frilly skirt. "But refer to me as "The Almighty Dumble"!"  
  
Soon enough, everyone else was in nothing but a pink frilly skirt, including the girls.  
  
"At least I'm out of that speedo..." Draco said. Ginny and Hermione glared at Dumbledore.  
  
"We need shirts!" Ginny whined, and with the snap of his fingers they were wearing frilly sports bras.  
  
Draco and Harry laughed at them, but they laughed back, and they all stopped laughing when they were all shocked by a pink fairy. It had its strawberry blonde hair in a losse bun and floated up to them again, ready to shock.  
  
"NO!" they all shouted. Then they heard something flapping behind them. They looked back and saw the evil baby penguin that had emerged from Hermione bushy hair.  
  
"Papercut." it said. "Papercut."  
  
"What?" Harry asked.  
  
"Papercut." it said walking up to the throne. "Papercut..." and it started jabbering off saying missplaced words.  
  
"Lamp lawnmower yellow cup book TV show m&m gum?" it asked "The Almighty Dumble".  
  
"Underwear paper sticker jukebox nose." he said shooing it off.  
  
"Ok..." Hermione said looking at it as it walked off. "That was the weirdest thing I've seen all day."  
  
"Wait!" Ginny shouted staring up at the throne. She started to climb it, and guards chased her. She made it to the top and went right in Dumbledore's face. "You're not beautiful! You're not "The Almighty Dumble" she said using hand quotes on his name, "You're not gorgeous, you don't like the color pink, you didn't kill all those students, and your wand is nothing but pink fur and a little magic inside of it!"  
  
"How dare you-" but he was cut off, when he the whole place started to swirl. Ginny climbed off the throne, and wobbled over to the three.  
  
"What'd you do?" Hermione asked.  
  
"I'll tell you later..." Ginny said, feeling very tired, everyone else felt the same way. They all fell to their hands and knees, and finally flopped onto the ground.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Well, this chapter was more scary and serious but it had its funny parts. Seem like its over? Oh no, the fun is just beginning. Any silly suggjustions? If you do, I'd love to hear them! Please review this chapter even though I didn't like it as much as the others! 


	5. Llamas

OMG! I haven't updated in months! That's ok, here's the next chapter! Read, Review, and enjoy!

Just so you know:..

I haven't updated in a while so I'm very lost… but I'll do my best…

Llamas invade this chapter

An orange duck kills Hermione.

The Barbie Dolls return!

Ron returns too!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone had awoken to the sound of birds chirping. Hermione and Harry sat straight up at the sounds and realized they were in a sunny meadow… and were surrounded by llamas.

"What the bloody hell is going on?!" Draco said from under a llama. He struggled out from under it and looked around. "Why are we on a llama farm?"

"I don't know…" Harry said as a llama with a deformed face looked straight at him, winked, and licked his lips. He took a few steps back near the others.

Suddenly, and kind of pointlessly, a large Barbie Doll with an oversized grin on walks over and greets them.

"Hello." She says quickly. "Run through the meadow with me!" She squeals every last word. She skips, and they only thing in slow motion was her. Ginny, Hermione, Draco, and Harry all trot quickly through the hairy llamas.

"Where do we go now?" Ginny asks. Harry squats, looks at the grass, and wonders a moment what it'd taste like, and sticks his arms out. In the weird position he spins around and around as fast as he could. Everyone stops a minute, turns around and stares at him. The llamas stare too, get on their hind legs, and joyfully dance around him and his dancing.

"Toilet! Toilet! Toilet!" the Llamas chanted as Harry did his squat and turns routine.

"We better go…" Hermione said, "Harry will… catch up later…I hope…" Everyone doesn't mind leaving Harry, who wouldn't at that time? As they walk through the bright green grass, they spot a huge clump of brown in the distance, gaining fast.

"What the…?" Draco stuttered. As they saw it gain, they realized they were llamas, with George Bush masks, charging at them. They all screamed and ran in the other direction, back to the dancing llamas, and Harry. They were too slow, as you can guess, and being in they're uncomfortable tutus and frilly pink bras for the girls, it was difficult.

"AHH!" Hermione shrieked, they were right behind them. A llama goes behind each of the Hogwarts students, bucks them in the anal area and they fly up in the air, falling into the herd of llamas. They all land on a llama, except Draco. He falls between two llamas, and was trampled to death. (A/N: No one reacts, do they? Hehe!)

"My arse hurts like hell!" Hermione whined.

"You think it hurt you?" Harry said holding himself, nearly falling off the llama.

The llamas buck the children off into the air again and onto the grass, where they see a variety of circles of llamas dancing around Harry, who was still squatting and dancing himself.

A plain orange duck waddled over to Hermione, and gave her large adorable eyes.

"Awww…" Hermione said reaching out to pat the duck. The duck's eyes turned red… and bit Hermione right on the hand. Hermione screams, turns into an orange duck, and dies.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Ginny said, feeling alone. Harry stops his dance and slips away from the tranced llamas.

"Ginny?!" Harry asked staring at the two dead ducks at her feet. "Where's Hermione, and Draco?"

"They're dead…" Ginny said.

"Oh…" Harry said. "Let's crash this llama field."

"Yeah…" Ginny said. Harry watched as Ginny walked away, and he melted into a puddle and sank into the ground. Ginny glanced back to make sure Harry was there. She knew instantly that some invisible thing was out to get her too. She ran and ran, and then fell into darkness…

Ginny woke up, in her comfy bed, in her pajamas, without a scratch on her.

"What?" she sat up and looked around. It was all a dream! All of it! She sighed in relief. She ran to her door and excitedly opened it… and gasped in shock (A/N: How could this story end like this?! Ha!). She had opened the door to a meadow, filled with dancing llamas, two dead ducks, and the Almighty Dumble standing only inches away from her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This chapter had a lot of random humor that made now sense, but isn't that the point? Anyway, please review!


	6. The Llama's Attack

Ok! Another chap is here! Jump for random joy!

Just so you know...

Llamas are awesome!

I don't own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does...

If you like random humor, um, that's awesome...

Dementors can kill in this random story...!

The story is now beginning!

-

"Muwhaha!" Dumbledore chuckled as he stood in front of the dumbfounded Ginny.

"You killed everyone!" Ginny cried.

"Muwhaha!" Dumbledore laughed again.

"You killed my father!" Ginny cried again.

"No Luke, I am your father!" Dumbledore yelled.

"NOOOOO- wait a minute, my name's not Luke!" Ginny complained.

"Oh right... but still! I have the power to do the most incredible things!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes!"

"Really?" Ginny asked staring at him.

"YES!" he said losing his happy.

"Well, I-OOF!" Ginny felt herself lift from the ground and was high in the air. She felt like someone was carring her, so she looked up to find Spiderman flying on a web.

"You're not Mary Jane, oh, oops, wrong movie...!" he said.

"I'm not, and this isn't a movie, it's a story on fanfic-" he dropped her screaming. She fell and fell then splashed into the Great Lake. She came above the water gasping for air. She climbed out onto the shore and found she was not in the Great Lake, but washed up on a shore.

"Look!" she heard a man's voice scream. "Look, Wilson, help has come our way!" A man in a cloth, a long beard, and a volleyball with straw hair came running towards her.

"Ah!" Ginny screamed running on the shore. She kept running, tripped and fell, and knocked the wind out of her. When she came back to her normal self, she realized she was in a pin. She looks up and guess what next? MORE LLAMAS! She couldn't believe that llamas were everywhere! She walked over to the door of the gate, and the llamas formed a circle around her. They started to say "TOLIET" really loud and dance around her, kicking their fuzzy legs in the air. Ginny let out a long, long, scream. Everything went black, yet again.

When she woke up, she was in her bed, Yes, her bed at Hogwarts. She looked around. There was Hermione, sound asleep. Was this all a dream? She hoped so, last time it wasn't. Ginny walked out of the door and into the common room, where Ron and Harry were singing Christmas songs to a lamp.

"What the shell (hehe, snail shell, get it? Of course you do!) are you all doing?" Ginny screeched.

"The lamp looked hungry!" Harry says cheerfully, "So we wanted to feed it! AND SING TO IT!" Ron nods excitedly and starts to rap to the god for saken lamp.

"Llamas..." Ginny thought aloud. Suddenly everything stopped. Everything, Ron and Harry and everyone else in the room slowly turned their heads toward her.

"HOW COULD YOU GINNY!" Ron screamed. Ginny, clearly confused, hears a low rumbling sound coming from outside. Everyone walks slowly towards any window, and peers out. In the distance, there's lightning, dark clouds . . . and a heard of 3,000,000 llamas coming toward the school.

"You just had to say it didn't you?" a girl said with dark brown shiny hair and emerald eyes.

"Say what? Llama?" Ginny asked.

"SHH!" the common room said. Everyone looks out the window again fearfully. The llamas were coming fast, and as soon as they hit the building, it would defiently crumble.

"What do we do?" squeaked a first year boy with a pale face and short, blond hair.

"Just wait." a creepy voice said. Everyone turns around. Hermione is standing at the doorway to the common room. "All we can do is wait."

"But what about that house?" Ginny asked. Everyone gives her a gosh-she's-so-insane look.

"House?" Hermione asks sitting on a couch. "There is no 'house' of what you speak of. What's wrong with you?"

"What about fun day? The shirts? The dance? The truth-telling spell? Draco and you kissing!" Ginny was frantic.

"Kiss? What on earth are you talking about?" Hermione put a hand on Ginny's shoulder and sat her down next to her.

"I don't know, I'm confused, and scared, really scared!" Ginny said shaking her head. The castle shook. Not too hard, but enough to get everyone up and running to the windows. The llamas were only a few yards away. Everyone held hands, which scares me a little, and the llamas hit.

"AHH!" everyone screamed as they were thrown backward. Furniture came flying and everything. Soon enough, the castle started to tip slightly.

"Hermione! We have to get to the dungeons, come on!" Ginny said squashed behind a table. Hermione lay beside her pushing a couch away from her. They both climbed up to the door, and into the hall.

"Where to go?" Hermione pondered as they ran. They ran into the Grand Staircase area... and gasped.

All the staircases had fallen. All of them. They lay in a heap of cement covering the whole floor, and unfortunantely, the doors.

"Crap! What are we going to do now?" Ginny whined.

"I think, we're gonna have to jump..." Hermione said.

"Jump! We'll get ourselves killed before we can even figure out a way to move the collasped stairs! No way!" Ginny said looking at the horrible height.

"Well then . . ." Hermione said, and fell calmly off the platform.

"HERMIONE!" Ginny screamed as she looked over the edge. Expecting to see a bloody mess of what was left of Hermione, she didn't want to look. But she did, and she sighed in relief and saw Hermione riding a flying turtle to get her.

"Hop on." Hermione said to Ginny coming up beside her.

"Me? Jump on this flying, thing?" Ginny asked.

"Turtle, silly!" Hermione said. The castle swayed to the side even more, and the walls crumbled.

"Hurry!" Hermione said. They wooshed away on the green yellow polka dotted turtle, and to the only broken window.

-

This one didn't have a ton of random humour, but trust me, it'll get funnier! Kinda short too, huh?


End file.
